Be Careful What You Pray For Because You Just Might Get It!

Hey Party People! I know it's been a minute since my last post and I do apologize for the delay. Well since we last spoke, conversed. Not conversated (LOL) the summer has come to a close and the fall is quickly approaching. It's about to be boo loving season. That would be excitement for some and sighs of frustration for others. Thinking about boo loving season made me think of a conversation that I had with one of my sister girls. She was telling me about a guy that she was dating and had recently let go. So me being the curious person that I am, asked why. This was her exact response," He was everything that I had ever prayed for in a man. He was handsome, funny, loving, EMPLOYED! He was good with his children and mine. He was spiritual and creative. Girl was he smart and he could cook his ass off! Not to mention that the loving was like fireworks. The only thing I didn't like was that he didn't go to church."

    Well now I'm really confused because if the only flaw that he had was that he didn't go to church then honey you have less of a problem than you think. I appreciate the fact that church is important to her. She did say that they had conversations about him going to church with her and he was accepting of that. He never said that he didn't want to go.  She said that he was very spiritual and had a good knowledge of the Bible.   Again, I was confused. I asked," If he is everything you prayed for and you let him go, then what are you going to do now.?"She said she would pray for someone else just like him that goes to church. Umkay! What if there is no one else just like him. Often times the mold is broken when a masterpiece is created in an effort for it not to be duplicated.

When I was a little girl I use to pray for enormous breasts like my Aunt Lillie Mae's. She had to make her own bras they were that big. One day my cousin heard me telling my other cousin that I wanted breasts just like Lillie Mae's. My cousin said to me, "Be careful what you pray for because you just might get it." Thank God! I was not blessed with what I thought I wanted at the time. However, when you are blessed with what you asked for but then you come to the realization that you don't want it when you get it. Is that a slap in the face of God? Delicious black men for some women are few and far in between. I really don't think that a seemingly little thing like not physically going to church should be a tie breaker. I really believe that people ask for things out of haste and frustration. Not having full knowledge of what they are really asking. Then when the blessing appears it is not that the thing they asked for is not ready to be received but the person who asked is not ready to properly receive and accept the blessing. Thinking about my friend and the impending boo loving season gave birth to the poem below. Please enjoy the picture of my good friend LT(he's the only one standing up) doing what he loves to do and that is talk about love, lust, lies and relationships. Oh and please enjoy the old school video from Salt and Pepa What A Man!!! As always have a great week. Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies!!!

MY PRAYERS FOR HIM

I pray for him, prayers reminiscent of those of made men.

I pray that God would have mercy on my soul for committing the most grievous sin.

The sin of searching for him in a sea of boys when he’s the man amongst men.

He’s the standard by which all other gems are measured.

I pray for him while wading through the storms of unqualified whoevers, miscellaneous fair-weathers and a multitude of

Mr. I Wish I Had Never Met Him at all.

I pray for him on bended knee with tear stained cheeks until I see the clouds part and give birth to the dawn.

I’ve prayed for him for so long.

I pray for him like a mother prays for the unseen blessing in the deepest recesses of her womb.

I pray for him like a dying soul prays for one more breath.

Pray like the weary pray for rest.

I pray for him like mourners do when asking the question why the parting of their loved one had to come so soon.

While praying for him I realized that I had never really taken the time to pray for myself.

I never prayed for my strength or for my health.

I never prayed for the help to be able to recognize him when he finally appears.

Even though I have given a vivid description of him in my prayers for years.

So again I pray for him.

Prayed that he would recognize me as the answer to his prayers.

That he would shoulder some of this burden and pay some of the fare that I have paid for this waiting game.

While I have patiently watched everyone else enjoying the one that was specifically made for them.

I feel as if I have prayed my whole life for him.

Because I have.

I pray for him like the homeless pray for shelter.

I pray for him like the famished pray for an end to their hunger.

I prayed for him harder and longer than anyone or anything.

I pray that when he finally arrives he would be my king and I his queen and we would share a last name.

I would wear his ring. I think that is the fairytale dreaming little girl in me because my prayers seem as if they will not be reality because the woman in me is still praying for him.

Have I prayed so much that I missed my blessing in disguise, turned a good man away, gave another the side eye?

Because he didn’t come packaged as I had envisioned.

Did I set myself up for a trip on the road to perdition because I was more distracted by the contents of this ones pocket and not by the contents his character?

Infatuated with this ones physique and the girth below his navel and not the substance contained within his heart?

Did I doom many a promising relationship before they really got their start?

So in retrospect did I pray shallow prayers for him when they should have been weighty prayers for me?

Are my unanswered prayers for him the reason for this purgatory?

I can only  pray, wait and see.

Until then I will continue to say a little prayer for both him and me.



Everything He's Not, Made Him Everything He Is!

Hey Party People, this week has been interesting to say the least. I had the opportunity to do one of my favorite things which is people watch. It might seem weird or quirky but that's what I like to do. I was at an all white theme party with some of my best friends and I was watching all of the brothers in their white looking clean and fine. A couple of them looking really fine. I mean finer than fine. Okay you get my drift. I just love black men and everything that comes along with them. The good, the bad and the ugly and when love someone completely and unconditionally you take everything that they are and accept everything that they are not. I also read my sister's blog and I won't say her name because she would kill me (Maria) and it made my heart melt.

She was describing something that is close and personal to her which is her intense love for her husband. I appreciate the man that he is and how he handles my sister. Watching them gives me hope for black love and black relationships in general. I actually cried while reading what she wrote because she basically described what it is I feel in my heart for my brothers. After reading her blog I was compelled to write this poem. Please enjoy!

With All of His Flaws

I love him more than he’ll ever know.

More that I could possibly ever show.

He’s everything I ever wanted and I told him so.

What he feels or thinks about that I may never know.

Tattooed his name across my heart in cursive script.

His presence is a present, definitely God’s gift.

What I see in him goes beyond the surface.

Despite what others may think he’s so worth it.

Because in my eyes he’s perfect, even with all of his flaws.

I think that just about sums this blog entry up so until next week. Same time, same channel I leave you with a picture of a delicious black man. My friend GS and a song by an awesome singer Heather Headley appropriately titled He Is. As always have a great week. Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies!



Through The Wire.

I live in the city that the HBO TV series The Wire is based upon. I am a Baltimorean born and raised. I have never lived anywhere else. I have visited a multitude of places but this is home. I recently cast the lead male role for the sitcom that I have written. I cast Mr. Anthony Kelly Sr. an up and coming filmmaker based on our conversations about the city in which we both live and his perspective on what it is like to be young, black and living in America. Specifically living in a city where the average black male is sure to be incarcerated at least once in his life. A city where most of his peer don't graduate high school or live past their 25th birthday.
Anthony is a documentary film maker and during his travels along the corridors of Baltimore he films the struggles and frustrations of his peers. He is trying to address some of the issues causing young black men to go wayward. Issues such as poverty, fatherlessness, drug addiction(selling as well as using) and not having productive role models to help shape young men. I found it interesting that he has an aspiration is to be a film maker where most only see their ticket out of the "hood" in form a basketball, football or mixtape.

He sees this city and the people in it in a totally different light. Where one my see raw anger he knows behind that anger there is a story to be told. He is currently in the process of producing several 30 minute movies focusing on different scenerios that take place with black men within the community where he lives. I can't wait to see the finished product.

Our men are intelligent, caring, sensitive and misunderstood all at the same time. Anthony is making an effort to show the hows and whys things are the way they are for his peers and get from them what they feel may be solutions to their problems. Bravo!

So until next week, same time, same channel. I will leave you with a picture of a delicious black man Mr. AK and Kanye West's song Through The Wire. As always have a great week. Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies.

They are making a difference!!!

"It's been a long time I shouldn't have left you without a strong beat to step to." I know I've been gone for a minute please accept my apologies. I have been under major construction and your girl can't bring you trash because I'm not a half-stepper. So with that being said I'm back and ready to rock and roll for my cause. I love black men with all their flaws and strengths. Who wouldn't?

While I was on my brief hiatus I observed a couple of things within my own family that made me feel that there is hope for young black men. I live in a city where there's a countless amount of fatherless children. The amount of single mothers far out weighs that of single fathers. However, there are some men who are out here really putting in work and making it happen to better the lives of their children.

Last May my cousin Timothy Gaskins was murdered on the corner of my grandmother's house. He was in his early twenties and left behind two toddler sons. My other younger cousins who were with him everyday took his death the hardest. One moved out of my grandmother's house temporarily to get himself together. They were close in age and more like brothers than cousins. Since his passing my three cousins have taken on the responsibility of being fathers to the sons that Timothy left behind. Two have sons of their own and the third has no children. However, they have taken it upon themselves to make sure that the sons of their cousin would never be without a dad. I think that is commendable.

In a world where so many of our young black men run from fatherhood. These young brothers are running to it. They are providing a missing piece for my smaller cousins in the absence of their father. Although he can never be replaced in their lives they will still be able to have a reference from men within their own family as a guide to manhood and a reminder of the father who loved them. This should be an example to older men who have lost their way with their children or who think that caring for your child should only come  once or twice a month in the form a check that the government forces you to send.

I love my cousins for the actions that they have taken to ensure that no male child in our family is left behind or lead astray. They have made a pack to properly raise and guide their sons both biological and newly adopted. The black man is God and their acts of compassion and kindness are a wonderful testament to who He is and who we are. Fantastic job guys! I appreciate you.

Until next week I will leave you with a question to ponder and the song Be A Father To Your Child by Ed O.G and Da Bullsdogs(that's the old school in me). Also you know I have to give you a picture of a delicious black man. Please enjoy my brother CTH. As always have a great week. Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies!

Question: With Father's Day being a few weeks ago. I would like to know how did having an active father or not having a father present impact your life?
Talk back to me people.

A Father's Love

     Over the weekend I was watching an old Chris Rock Stand Up. I love his sense of humor because it is dry and witty which is a little like my own. During one particular segment in the show he was talking about his daughters and his role as a father and that his one mission with them was to keep them off the pole(the stripper pole). He was determined to be an example that would make them look for a man as great as he is or better. He did not want to be the reason they were looking for love in all the wrong places and in so many strange faces. While watching that I thought about my own father and the important role that fathers play not only in the shaping of their sons but in the shaping of their daughters. R. Kelly is not a great philosopher of any sort however he did have a song a few years back called One Man which contained a bit of philosphical truth. The song's chorus says that one man can make one woman hate all men. Which I believe is entirely true. I also believe one man can be the example by which any woman will choose her mate and that first man is her father. Now depending on the relationship that she has with him she will either look for someone with characteristics just like her father or shun anyone who remotely resembles those characteristics she despises in him. I thankfully was blessed to have a father that really laid a lot of ground work in shaping the person that I am today even though we only spent 12 years together.
      Rodney Levoid Cooper-Bey died on January 1, 1988, twelve days before my thirteenth birthday. The lessons I learned from him are long lasting. Recently I read some of the letters he wrote for me while I was still in my mother's womb. In those letters he described his great love for me even though he hadn't met me yet and he gave me the reason  why he had chosen my name. Salome means peace in the Hebrew language. Something my father said that he had spent a great part of his life in search of. When he found out  he and my mother were having a girl he was overwhelmed with joy and believed that at last he would be at peace.  He would have a family of his own. My father was extremely intelligent sometimes it worked in his favor, other times it got him in more trouble than he wanted. He was funny and really talented. He was an electrician and an engineer by trade. Basically anything you asked him to fix he could. He taught me a lot in our short time together. He taught me things I guess he figured I would need to survive in this world. He taught me art of  Boxing and how to swim, how to balance his checkbook, count my money and how to save it , how to fish and the fundamentals of basketball and football. To my knowledge I am his only daughter and I do have brothers but somehow he thought I needed to know those things. He tried to teach me how to drive when I was eleven. Thinking back on that experience now I guess he knew he wouldn't be around when I finally did get my license at age 16.
     My father was well educated and loved anything that had to be decoded or contained some type of puzzle. He made me read the dictionary as punishment because I didn't know the meaning of one word. Thus my love of words to this day. He was very spiritual and humble. He was gorgeous. All my little girlfriends were in love with my father. He was one of the smartest men I know. He asked me just before he died what I wanted to be when I grew up. Me thinking like the child I was said I wanted to be a professional cheerleader. He smiled at me and said," No! Your life is for more than sport and play. Your life is more serious than that. God gave you a wonderful mind and awesome talents. Hone them, craft them and shape them, master them and they will be your ticket to anything you want in this life and the next. " I remember that because it was a lot for me to digest as a ten year old. I didn't completely understand then what he meant but I do now.
     I love to see fathers and daughters together because it reassures me that there are good brothers out in this world who respect women and know and understand the sacredness of the female. My father never got to physically see me do any of the things the he knew I could. I believe that with every obstacle I have overcome and every hurdle I have jumped he was there to either hold my hand and drag me along  when I was too scared or give me the gentle nudge of reassurance on my back to let me know that I would make it happen. I have never let go of his hand because I know that he would have never let go of mine. I know my dad saw things in me that I wouldn't see in myself for years to come. The example that he gave me of how a woman should be treated by a man has basically kept me searching my entire adult life for that kind of love. I've come close but I honestly believe I will never find a man like my dad because they just don't make them that way anymore. Brothers be good to your daughters. You are the first and best example of unconditional love from a man they will ever have. I thank Rodney Cooper-Bey for the gifts he gave me.
     Until we meet next week. Same time and same channel, I will leave you with these questions to ponder.
Do you believe that a woman's relationship with her father determines the mate that she will choose?
Do you believe that if a woman has no relationship with her father that she doesn't understand the role of a father in the nurturing and rearing of a child?
Has a woman's relationship or lack thereof with her father ever given you reason to abandon a situation?
I will also leave you with a picture of a truly delicious black man, my friend KJ and the words of John Mayer's song Daughters. As always have a great week! Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies!

 I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters.....

From Solomon's Mouth to Sheba's Ears....What Black Men Are Really Looking For In Black Women

 "What is it that men really want from women?" Of course when answering that question for myself the obvious came to mind but I needed more substance.  I polled a group of delicious black men of various ages and backgrounds in search of my answer. I needed to hear it straight from their mouths and fingertips.  More specifically, I wanted  to know what it is that black men look for when trying to choose who will be their Mrs. Right as opposed to Ms. Right now.  A recent study stated that a staggering 48% of black women have never been married. So if our men aren't marrying us who are they marrying and why? I asked my delicious crew these three questions:  1. What are some of the things men look for when deciding to choose Mrs. Right  and not Ms. Right Now? 2. What are some of the factors that are instant turn-offs that might exclude a woman you are interested in from becoming your Mrs. Right? 3. What would be the ultimate indicator for a man to ask a woman to marry him?

 Here are the answers from my delicious crew:

Cody

     Of course we look for beauty and personality but at the end of the day we dig a little deeper and look for someone who is trustworthy, stable, smart and challenging. We like to feel exclusive.  A woman that gives you everything at the front door is a big turn off. I have to know that she is trustworthy and has faith in me and brings peace to my life when I need it. That would make me want to marry her.
Kent
     Me I'm checking her attitude and she has to be family oriented because mine is huge. I'm checking for how she handles pressure and her religious beliefs. Ms. Right now is just trying to have fun and has no direction and I don't have the time to show her. A woman with bad hygiene is an instant turn-off, also if she is too clingy and parties all the time and has no goals I can't do it. Ultimate indicator would be if she is genuine and can thug it out with me when things get tough.
Rashaad
     She has to have style, personality and skills in the kitchen and bed. She has to be family oriented, supportive and organized.  If she runs the street too much or too many people have access to her and she comes with a lot of baggage that's a turn-off.  If a man finds someone that gives him everything he is looking for and he believes that he will  never need to look for another woman than she is the one to marry.
Brandon
     I look for someone who has good communication skills, is goal oriented and spiritual. If she has too many kids or kids fathers that's a turn-off. Anyone with poor work habits is a turn-off also. For me to want to marry her she has to be totally loving  and loyal.
Jamaal
   When looking for Mrs. Right it depends on the man's age group. For my age group I would say she can't have too many kids by different dudes that's a lot of extra responsibility and if a woman has that going on and in most men's minds her stock has decreased. She has to be clean who want a nasty woman and being an obvious gold digger is a major turn-off. For me to know that she might be the marrying kind my parents have to like her.
Lamont
     She has to have a sense of humor and know a little about sports it's a straight turn on if she like both football and basketball. She has to be considerate, educated, spiritually grounded , outgoing and of course eye candy.  My turn-offs are a woman who does communicate well, isn't affectionate, doesn't take good care of her children and has no goals in life and she can't be too aggressive. For me I have to know that she is loyal and has my best interest at heart and that no woman alive can replace her. She would be the one God has chosen for me to marry.
Will
  I can only speak for myself kids are a big deal breaker. If you see me with at chick with at kid she is just Ms. Right now. She has to be spiritual. We need to be able to worship together. She can't be stubborn and she has to know her role. She has to be hot even in a wife beater, sweats and a ponytail. Above all else she can't have Daddy issues.
Michael
  I believe for ever man it's different and a major factor that determines what he looks for in a woman is the type of woman he was raised by. If a man was raised by a strong woman who was a good communicator of life's realities and knew her worth he will look for the same type of woman.  So personally I have a thing for intelligent, good communicators with a broad sense of humor. She has to be caring but not overly sensitive and she has to be affectionate.

I found my delicious crew's responses to be insightful, poignant, honest and extremely funny. I had to edit some of these for the sake of sensitive eyeballs. Well Solomon has spoken now it time for Sheba to take notes. As you have read delicious black men are not as shallow as we perceive them to be, well some of them (LOL). Until next week when we meet. Same time, same channel I will leave with a picture of a fine specimen of dark chocolate. Cheese and crackers bless his mama and the words of one of the Songs of Solomon. As always have a great week! Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies!!!

Songs of Solomon Chapter 4 Verses 9-16
  "Thou has ravishes my heart, my sister, my spouse; thous hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thine neck.
How fair is thy love. my sister, my spouse! How much better is thy love than wine! And smell of thein ointments than all spices!
Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb; honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.
A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse;a spring shut up, a fountain sealed. Thy plants are an orchand of pomegranates, with pleasant fruits; camphire, with spikenard.
Spikenard and saffron; calamus and cinammon, with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices.
A fountain of gardens , a well of living waters and streams from Lebanon. Awake, O north wind and come thou south;blow upon my garden the spices thereof my flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden and eat his pleasant fruits...

There Can Be No Us Without Them!!!

Last week's guest pen was awesome and set the blog on fire. I would like to thank everyone who takes the time to read my blog and support my appreciation for black men. This past weekend I had a very spirited conversation with my Aunt who is currently living her life as a Lesbian, which I personally don't have a problem with.  I don't care what grown folk do with their private parts in their own space and time. What I do have a problem with is her yelling in front of her son that "she doesn't need a man to do anything for her", but in same breath yelled at her son for not doing the man jobs in the house. He's 21 years old and I give him the benefit of the doubt because he is still learning what it means to be a man basically on his own. The examples that he has in front of him are not ones that he wants to follow and to his credit, he is doing his best not to repeat others mistakes. I say bravo to him for that. 

     My Aunt and I debated back and forth about why it is that women don't need men. For every negative she spat, I spat a positive. For every put down of the black man she spat, I spat a pull up for my brothers. The tie breaker was when I asked her why does she pray to a man if she doesn't need one. Needless to say Auntie is rather pissed with me right now. She'll live. The Black Man is God, the Original, the Prototype. There is none better on this earth. There maybe some that look nice and all but they could never hold a candle to my brothers. For every good there is some bad and that goes for both male and female. We have to understand that the black man has been beaten down in this country for so long that he is in need of a woman; not another mother to help him lift himself up out of the mud.

    In the Bible Eve is referred to as Adam's help meet and she is made from his rib. The rib is the body's protection for the lungs and the heart.  The lungs provide oxygen and expels carbon dioxide from the body. The heart pumps blood the body's life fluids to every part of it. A man's woman can do the same for him. The spark of positive energy that he gets from her at the end of a hard day expels stress and he breathes in inspiration that will allow him to go the distance because he knows that someone is in his corner. A man's woman is his second wind. When a woman loves a man like only she can that is life fluid that gives him the strength to believe that he can do anything. Come on now!!! We need one another, there is no way around it. We are a covering and apparel for one another.  Even the gayest man knows that if he wants a family with his "man's and them" that a woman has to be involved in the process. We are two pieces of a beautifully designed puzzle that without either it will never be complete. So with that being said I'm going to give you a taste of how I feel about black men that I put in poetry form. I wrote it a while ago. Enjoy!

MUSE

He looked into my eyes and that got me excited.

He kissed my lips and a fire was ignited.

That started in my belly and burned thru to my soul.

Engulfed my being and swallowed me whole.

When I’m with him I loose all control.

My desire for him I can’t seem to get a hold.

He’s supremely sublime, his touch divinely venomous, of his clothes I’m intensely envious.

Because they touch him for more hours of the day than I can.

He’s living proof of the existence of Superman.

He’s ethereal, celestial, unintentionally sensual, the epitome of masculinity, an architecturally sculpted crowned jewel.

His stride is eloquently poetic, his voice deliciously majestic, gloriously structured is the wonderment of his visage.

My time in his presence so short yet precious and I drink in each and  every second.

I’m in awe of him I just can’t help it.

When he appears he brings me vivid colors to replace my drab blues.

He’s unequivocally, definitely, unrealistically, intimately, my beautifully inspiring Muse.

Food for thought questions of the week

1. What are some of the factors that would make a women give up on men entirely? 
2. Is there anything that would make a woman reconsider being man less for life? 
3. Would a straight heterosexual man ever consider giving up on women? Is that even realistic? My inquiring mind wants to know.

    Until next week I leave you with the words of Jill Scott's song The Fact Is(I Need You) and a picture of my very delicious co-worker KB. A man with a nice beard just does something for me.  As always have a great week. Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies!

I can pay my own light bill baby

Pump my own gas in my own car
I can buy my own shoe collection

I've been blessed thus far
I can kill the spider above my bed
Although it's hard because I'm scared
I can even stain and polyurethane
But some things just don't change
I need you yeah
Sometimes so hard to say oh
I need you
Some things remain
I could buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight, my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we'll make
Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man
We need you
So hard to say
We need you
Some things don't change.....