A Father's Love

     Over the weekend I was watching an old Chris Rock Stand Up. I love his sense of humor because it is dry and witty which is a little like my own. During one particular segment in the show he was talking about his daughters and his role as a father and that his one mission with them was to keep them off the pole(the stripper pole). He was determined to be an example that would make them look for a man as great as he is or better. He did not want to be the reason they were looking for love in all the wrong places and in so many strange faces. While watching that I thought about my own father and the important role that fathers play not only in the shaping of their sons but in the shaping of their daughters. R. Kelly is not a great philosopher of any sort however he did have a song a few years back called One Man which contained a bit of philosphical truth. The song's chorus says that one man can make one woman hate all men. Which I believe is entirely true. I also believe one man can be the example by which any woman will choose her mate and that first man is her father. Now depending on the relationship that she has with him she will either look for someone with characteristics just like her father or shun anyone who remotely resembles those characteristics she despises in him. I thankfully was blessed to have a father that really laid a lot of ground work in shaping the person that I am today even though we only spent 12 years together.
      Rodney Levoid Cooper-Bey died on January 1, 1988, twelve days before my thirteenth birthday. The lessons I learned from him are long lasting. Recently I read some of the letters he wrote for me while I was still in my mother's womb. In those letters he described his great love for me even though he hadn't met me yet and he gave me the reason  why he had chosen my name. Salome means peace in the Hebrew language. Something my father said that he had spent a great part of his life in search of. When he found out  he and my mother were having a girl he was overwhelmed with joy and believed that at last he would be at peace.  He would have a family of his own. My father was extremely intelligent sometimes it worked in his favor, other times it got him in more trouble than he wanted. He was funny and really talented. He was an electrician and an engineer by trade. Basically anything you asked him to fix he could. He taught me a lot in our short time together. He taught me things I guess he figured I would need to survive in this world. He taught me art of  Boxing and how to swim, how to balance his checkbook, count my money and how to save it , how to fish and the fundamentals of basketball and football. To my knowledge I am his only daughter and I do have brothers but somehow he thought I needed to know those things. He tried to teach me how to drive when I was eleven. Thinking back on that experience now I guess he knew he wouldn't be around when I finally did get my license at age 16.
     My father was well educated and loved anything that had to be decoded or contained some type of puzzle. He made me read the dictionary as punishment because I didn't know the meaning of one word. Thus my love of words to this day. He was very spiritual and humble. He was gorgeous. All my little girlfriends were in love with my father. He was one of the smartest men I know. He asked me just before he died what I wanted to be when I grew up. Me thinking like the child I was said I wanted to be a professional cheerleader. He smiled at me and said," No! Your life is for more than sport and play. Your life is more serious than that. God gave you a wonderful mind and awesome talents. Hone them, craft them and shape them, master them and they will be your ticket to anything you want in this life and the next. " I remember that because it was a lot for me to digest as a ten year old. I didn't completely understand then what he meant but I do now.
     I love to see fathers and daughters together because it reassures me that there are good brothers out in this world who respect women and know and understand the sacredness of the female. My father never got to physically see me do any of the things the he knew I could. I believe that with every obstacle I have overcome and every hurdle I have jumped he was there to either hold my hand and drag me along  when I was too scared or give me the gentle nudge of reassurance on my back to let me know that I would make it happen. I have never let go of his hand because I know that he would have never let go of mine. I know my dad saw things in me that I wouldn't see in myself for years to come. The example that he gave me of how a woman should be treated by a man has basically kept me searching my entire adult life for that kind of love. I've come close but I honestly believe I will never find a man like my dad because they just don't make them that way anymore. Brothers be good to your daughters. You are the first and best example of unconditional love from a man they will ever have. I thank Rodney Cooper-Bey for the gifts he gave me.
     Until we meet next week. Same time and same channel, I will leave you with these questions to ponder.
Do you believe that a woman's relationship with her father determines the mate that she will choose?
Do you believe that if a woman has no relationship with her father that she doesn't understand the role of a father in the nurturing and rearing of a child?
Has a woman's relationship or lack thereof with her father ever given you reason to abandon a situation?
I will also leave you with a picture of a truly delicious black man, my friend KJ and the words of John Mayer's song Daughters. As always have a great week! Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies!

 I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters.....