From Solomon's Mouth to Sheba's Ears....What Black Men Are Really Looking For In Black Women

 "What is it that men really want from women?" Of course when answering that question for myself the obvious came to mind but I needed more substance.  I polled a group of delicious black men of various ages and backgrounds in search of my answer. I needed to hear it straight from their mouths and fingertips.  More specifically, I wanted  to know what it is that black men look for when trying to choose who will be their Mrs. Right as opposed to Ms. Right now.  A recent study stated that a staggering 48% of black women have never been married. So if our men aren't marrying us who are they marrying and why? I asked my delicious crew these three questions:  1. What are some of the things men look for when deciding to choose Mrs. Right  and not Ms. Right Now? 2. What are some of the factors that are instant turn-offs that might exclude a woman you are interested in from becoming your Mrs. Right? 3. What would be the ultimate indicator for a man to ask a woman to marry him?

 Here are the answers from my delicious crew:

Cody

     Of course we look for beauty and personality but at the end of the day we dig a little deeper and look for someone who is trustworthy, stable, smart and challenging. We like to feel exclusive.  A woman that gives you everything at the front door is a big turn off. I have to know that she is trustworthy and has faith in me and brings peace to my life when I need it. That would make me want to marry her.
Kent
     Me I'm checking her attitude and she has to be family oriented because mine is huge. I'm checking for how she handles pressure and her religious beliefs. Ms. Right now is just trying to have fun and has no direction and I don't have the time to show her. A woman with bad hygiene is an instant turn-off, also if she is too clingy and parties all the time and has no goals I can't do it. Ultimate indicator would be if she is genuine and can thug it out with me when things get tough.
Rashaad
     She has to have style, personality and skills in the kitchen and bed. She has to be family oriented, supportive and organized.  If she runs the street too much or too many people have access to her and she comes with a lot of baggage that's a turn-off.  If a man finds someone that gives him everything he is looking for and he believes that he will  never need to look for another woman than she is the one to marry.
Brandon
     I look for someone who has good communication skills, is goal oriented and spiritual. If she has too many kids or kids fathers that's a turn-off. Anyone with poor work habits is a turn-off also. For me to want to marry her she has to be totally loving  and loyal.
Jamaal
   When looking for Mrs. Right it depends on the man's age group. For my age group I would say she can't have too many kids by different dudes that's a lot of extra responsibility and if a woman has that going on and in most men's minds her stock has decreased. She has to be clean who want a nasty woman and being an obvious gold digger is a major turn-off. For me to know that she might be the marrying kind my parents have to like her.
Lamont
     She has to have a sense of humor and know a little about sports it's a straight turn on if she like both football and basketball. She has to be considerate, educated, spiritually grounded , outgoing and of course eye candy.  My turn-offs are a woman who does communicate well, isn't affectionate, doesn't take good care of her children and has no goals in life and she can't be too aggressive. For me I have to know that she is loyal and has my best interest at heart and that no woman alive can replace her. She would be the one God has chosen for me to marry.
Will
  I can only speak for myself kids are a big deal breaker. If you see me with at chick with at kid she is just Ms. Right now. She has to be spiritual. We need to be able to worship together. She can't be stubborn and she has to know her role. She has to be hot even in a wife beater, sweats and a ponytail. Above all else she can't have Daddy issues.
Michael
  I believe for ever man it's different and a major factor that determines what he looks for in a woman is the type of woman he was raised by. If a man was raised by a strong woman who was a good communicator of life's realities and knew her worth he will look for the same type of woman.  So personally I have a thing for intelligent, good communicators with a broad sense of humor. She has to be caring but not overly sensitive and she has to be affectionate.

I found my delicious crew's responses to be insightful, poignant, honest and extremely funny. I had to edit some of these for the sake of sensitive eyeballs. Well Solomon has spoken now it time for Sheba to take notes. As you have read delicious black men are not as shallow as we perceive them to be, well some of them (LOL). Until next week when we meet. Same time, same channel I will leave with a picture of a fine specimen of dark chocolate. Cheese and crackers bless his mama and the words of one of the Songs of Solomon. As always have a great week! Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies!!!

Songs of Solomon Chapter 4 Verses 9-16
  "Thou has ravishes my heart, my sister, my spouse; thous hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thine neck.
How fair is thy love. my sister, my spouse! How much better is thy love than wine! And smell of thein ointments than all spices!
Thy lips, O my spouse, drop as the honeycomb; honey and milk are under thy tongue; and the smell of thy garments is like the smell of Lebanon.
A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse;a spring shut up, a fountain sealed. Thy plants are an orchand of pomegranates, with pleasant fruits; camphire, with spikenard.
Spikenard and saffron; calamus and cinammon, with all trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices.
A fountain of gardens , a well of living waters and streams from Lebanon. Awake, O north wind and come thou south;blow upon my garden the spices thereof my flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden and eat his pleasant fruits...

There Can Be No Us Without Them!!!

Last week's guest pen was awesome and set the blog on fire. I would like to thank everyone who takes the time to read my blog and support my appreciation for black men. This past weekend I had a very spirited conversation with my Aunt who is currently living her life as a Lesbian, which I personally don't have a problem with.  I don't care what grown folk do with their private parts in their own space and time. What I do have a problem with is her yelling in front of her son that "she doesn't need a man to do anything for her", but in same breath yelled at her son for not doing the man jobs in the house. He's 21 years old and I give him the benefit of the doubt because he is still learning what it means to be a man basically on his own. The examples that he has in front of him are not ones that he wants to follow and to his credit, he is doing his best not to repeat others mistakes. I say bravo to him for that. 

     My Aunt and I debated back and forth about why it is that women don't need men. For every negative she spat, I spat a positive. For every put down of the black man she spat, I spat a pull up for my brothers. The tie breaker was when I asked her why does she pray to a man if she doesn't need one. Needless to say Auntie is rather pissed with me right now. She'll live. The Black Man is God, the Original, the Prototype. There is none better on this earth. There maybe some that look nice and all but they could never hold a candle to my brothers. For every good there is some bad and that goes for both male and female. We have to understand that the black man has been beaten down in this country for so long that he is in need of a woman; not another mother to help him lift himself up out of the mud.

    In the Bible Eve is referred to as Adam's help meet and she is made from his rib. The rib is the body's protection for the lungs and the heart.  The lungs provide oxygen and expels carbon dioxide from the body. The heart pumps blood the body's life fluids to every part of it. A man's woman can do the same for him. The spark of positive energy that he gets from her at the end of a hard day expels stress and he breathes in inspiration that will allow him to go the distance because he knows that someone is in his corner. A man's woman is his second wind. When a woman loves a man like only she can that is life fluid that gives him the strength to believe that he can do anything. Come on now!!! We need one another, there is no way around it. We are a covering and apparel for one another.  Even the gayest man knows that if he wants a family with his "man's and them" that a woman has to be involved in the process. We are two pieces of a beautifully designed puzzle that without either it will never be complete. So with that being said I'm going to give you a taste of how I feel about black men that I put in poetry form. I wrote it a while ago. Enjoy!

MUSE

He looked into my eyes and that got me excited.

He kissed my lips and a fire was ignited.

That started in my belly and burned thru to my soul.

Engulfed my being and swallowed me whole.

When I’m with him I loose all control.

My desire for him I can’t seem to get a hold.

He’s supremely sublime, his touch divinely venomous, of his clothes I’m intensely envious.

Because they touch him for more hours of the day than I can.

He’s living proof of the existence of Superman.

He’s ethereal, celestial, unintentionally sensual, the epitome of masculinity, an architecturally sculpted crowned jewel.

His stride is eloquently poetic, his voice deliciously majestic, gloriously structured is the wonderment of his visage.

My time in his presence so short yet precious and I drink in each and  every second.

I’m in awe of him I just can’t help it.

When he appears he brings me vivid colors to replace my drab blues.

He’s unequivocally, definitely, unrealistically, intimately, my beautifully inspiring Muse.

Food for thought questions of the week

1. What are some of the factors that would make a women give up on men entirely? 
2. Is there anything that would make a woman reconsider being man less for life? 
3. Would a straight heterosexual man ever consider giving up on women? Is that even realistic? My inquiring mind wants to know.

    Until next week I leave you with the words of Jill Scott's song The Fact Is(I Need You) and a picture of my very delicious co-worker KB. A man with a nice beard just does something for me.  As always have a great week. Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies!

I can pay my own light bill baby

Pump my own gas in my own car
I can buy my own shoe collection

I've been blessed thus far
I can kill the spider above my bed
Although it's hard because I'm scared
I can even stain and polyurethane
But some things just don't change
I need you yeah
Sometimes so hard to say oh
I need you
Some things remain
I could buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight, my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we'll make
Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man
We need you
So hard to say
We need you
Some things don't change.....

Is Intelligence The New Sexy??

I know it's been a minute since my last post. Please accept my sincere apologies I have been outrageously busy. This week we will have our first guest pen. My friend  Victoria Kennedy who is an excellent writer and author. She has a very interesting topic that I think is relevant to our community as a lot of black men and women often choose beauty over brains which lands them in a whole world of trouble. So enjoy her guest spot as she blows up the spot and make you wonder is," Is Intelligence The New Sexy?"

Barack Obama walked out on stage at the 2004 Democratic National Convention in Boston and changed the game for Black men.   This tall, polished brother with a confident strut and piercing eyes opened his mouth, began to speak and went from attractive to FINE!  Every woman of color watching him deliver the keynote address that night was mesmerized and I do believe some heterosexual men formed their first same-sex "crushes".  Telephones started ringing, we girls were giggling and all of our chests puffed up with pride:  Behold the arrival of the intelligent Black man.  The words came forth from his lips like “buttah” and he had us. His purpose that night was to nominate John Kerry as the Democratic candidate for president but long after he departed the stage and after Kerry delivered his own speech, the eyes of the country were still on Barack Obama. That’s what the power of intelligence and articulation can do – change the focus of the ones they’ve been showered upon, rendering perplexity and casting a spell.

The choice between beauty and brawn has long been debated.  Down through the years, men with six-pack abs and sixth grade mentalities have been able to pull many -a -smart sister.  After all, where’s a girl to direct her attention, when confronted with a fine physical specimen of a delicious Black man?  Is she to ask him for his I.Q., LSAT scores, or alma mater?  Or is she to just sit back and admire the view while he shoots hoops or lifts bags that bulge his biceps?  You know, like Jill Scott’s character in Why Did I Get Married? – when she’s watching the sheriff reach for the high shelves in the store and her mind goes blank. LOL.  I know that’s stereotypical but for the sake of discussion, let’s just consider that picture.  Women know from experience that a pretty face will take one far.  That also applies to men.  Even the preconceived notion of a nerd has been misleading.  He doesn’t always come with thick glasses and a pocket protector full of pens, ladies.  Sometimes, he is the quiet one sitting next to you in class or a meeting … the reliable one who pitches great ideas and impresses the boss at presentations. He can even be the diabolical one using his genius for criminal activity. Let's not get it twisted.  This is the time to set some things straight. It's not only the dumb men with brute strength who practice illicit behavior.

Maybe it’s more complicated than either example can convey.  Of course, we know that all buff guys are not dim-witted, just like we know all smart men are not socially-awkward bookworms.  I think it’s high time, we address the conundrum of how these two disparate examples are represented in the Black community and the world at large. 

Let’s start with the neighborhood basketball court in summer:  It’s a microcosm of the whole puzzle … full of young brothers who possess athletic prowess and swagger.  All that heated competition and trash talking is enough to get any red-blooded sister hot under the collar, even before she’s old enough to know what to do with that energy.  However, let’s not underestimate the spectator sitting in back of the bleachers reading a copy of Soul On Ice ,  The Autobiography of Malcolm X or anything by Donald Goines.  He might recite for you a sonnet that will make Will Shakespeare proud or try to impress you by spouting off data like the Scarecrow when he got his brain.  It can be very sexy to have somebody do it to you in your earhole. It’s all subjective.  Both of these types make an impression on a sister.

 

Having the brawn was always a little more popular.  The first impression is made by what we see, so if his body is tight or he has just the right amount of bow to those legs in his jeans, the man will warrant a closer look.  A lasting impression is made when we run into the studious spectator from the court, years later, to find he is a successful entrepreneur or trial attorney looking sharp in his suit and dazzling smile. 

Let’s just finish with that DNC in 2004.  Fast-forward to the Presidential campaign in 2008 when that same fine intelligent man had the brilliance to choose a team that pitched great ideas to the American public by way of Twitter and Facebook.  He even played basketball on the campaign trail and probably taunted his opponents with street slang mixed with his Harvard-tinged dialect, dispelling the cookie-cutter ideas of what brain vs. muscle looks like.  We watched as he made history by becoming the first Black president while exemplifying the ideal husband, burning his wife up with torrid stares, and portraying the doting dad.  The opposing party looked high and low for dirt to be slung but there were no notable skeletons in his closet. He could easily have been the next door neighbor, the big brother or the science teacher who made you blush in junior high. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.   Behold the enigma of the intelligent Black man.

Questions to Ponder:

1.)  Are men we consider to be eye-candy only good for physical desires or

      do we really want to know what they have to say?

2.)  Traditionally, have women been naïve enough to think that “smart” men

      are boring?  Have we been cheating ourselves by overlooking the

      “brains”, assuming he has no “brawn?”

3.)  What’s the allure that physically-attractive men have over intellectually-

      stimulating men and vice-versa?

I hope that you enjoyed Victoria's segment and until we meet again next week, same time, same channel I leave you with the picture she has chosen of  a supremely delicious black man and the lyrics of Complicated Melody by India.Arie.  As always have a great week! Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies!!!

If he were a color
He'd be a deep dark forest green
If he were a car
He'd be a long stretch limousine
With room for all of humanity inside
Cause he is so giving
And he is so wise
If he were a number
He'd be a five cause he has such a brilliant mind
If were an animal
He's be an ass cause he's so stubborn sometimes

But if he were a song
He'd be a complicated melody
That complicated fellow he
I almost can not sing it on key

But he means the world to me

If he were a building
He'd be a beautiful cathedral
Cause he's so traditionally spiritual
If he were a dance
He'd be complicated like the tango
Exotic like a mango

But if he were a song
He'd be a complicated melody
That complicated fellow he
I almost can not sing it on key

But he means the world me.....