Have you seen him??? In search of the mythical GOOD BLACK MAN!

There are no good black men out here!!! (Proclaims the stereotypical angry black woman) [neck roll inserted here]. Visualize that for me please (LOL). If that is the case where have all the good black men gone? I think just about every single woman and some who are married or in a committed relationship has asked herself that question. Now according to the most recent census report  there are 145 million  black women to 139 million black men living in the United States. Relative to our community that means that there are 100 black women to 87 black men. That invisible 13 may be hidden in homosexuality, imprisonment and or are in a  relationship with a woman of another race. I would say that statistic is pretty staggering.
   Now most women are not looking for just any type of man. They want a GOOD man.  But right here and right now we are going to break this down so that it can forever be broke. I say that because the term Good is really relative.  The definition is not the same to every woman. Words have power and because I am a lover of words and as a child was given the dictionary to read as punishment, I too will make you suffer. Now let's get to the root definition of the words Good and Man.

    According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, Good is defined as the following:

1. Having desirable or favorable qualities. 2. Suitable, appropriate, convenient 3. Whole or sound 4. Superior to average: Satisfactory 5.Discriminating  6.Salutary: Beneficial 7. Competent: Skilled 8. Sure or safe 9. Ample: Considerable 10.Full 11. Pleasant: Enjoyable 12.Virtuous: Upright, Benevolent: Cheerful 13.Well-behaved or socially correct.  Wow 13 missing men in our ratio and 13 definitions for this one simple word. Interesting anyway moving on. 

   

     Now Man is defined as: 1. An adult male human being 2. A human being regardless of sex  3. The human race: Mankind 4. Informal (a) A husband (b) a male lover or sweetheart  5. A male servant or subordinate 6. One of the pieces used in a board game.  Now for the purposes of this blog we will use definitions 1 and 4.  With 13 different definitions for the simple term Good and only 6 for the term Man I truly find it hard to believe that not one Good woman can find an adult male human being and or male lover or sweetheart who fits into one of those 13 categories. Now I wonder if the women who proclaim there are no good men available measure themselves by the same means they use to determine the goodness of the men they encounter? Are the standards to determine just how good a man is being set to high? By no means am I saying that any one woman should settle because clearly we are the prize. However there are plenty of men out there wondering why they can't find a woman who fits into one of those 13 categories that describe what it is to be Good.
   This issue takes me to a conversation I had with one of my Sister Girls about an episode of a so-called reality show that I just happened to catch a glimpse of. The woman participating in this show had this absurdly long list of things that she was looking for in a man but none of them actually had anything to do with the fiber of his being. Everything was superficial. I didn't find anything subcutaneous or deep about the things she perceived a Man had to have in order to fulfill her needs. Now granted it was her list not mine. I just wonder if the mythical good black man is out of reach for some black women because the ideals of who and what he should appear to be when he arrives are chopped and screwed.
    In today's society we rarely value what it is that a man has to offer which may be their genuine character i.e...they are naturally funny, extremely kind, brilliant, intelligent, have a natural knack for cooking or anything that might make the life of someone else that they encounter a little more enjoyable. Those things are thrown to the side because we tend to equate the goodness of a man by how much money he earns or by the car that he drives but not necessarily by the integrity that he has. If an attractive man is scarred for life by accident is he no longer Good? If he happens to become disabled and his six-figure yearly salary is reduced to 4 figures yearly has he now passed his expiration date? Is he no longer considered Good? There are Good men out there and plenty of Good women too. I think the we as people need to dig a little deeper to find the precious diamonds that may appear a little rough but only on the surface.
Let me give you some old school advise that my Great Aunt Louise who recently passed away gave me. I will warn you that she herself was a little off but she always found herself in the company of Good Men. One day when I was visiting my great grandmother's house and she and her then husband were there. He came in from the backyard sweaty from working in the garden he was planting. He asked her for something to eat and she quickly jumped to it. Now if that was today most women would be like "Sir you better fix yourself something to eat". Anyway. He was a brute of a man in my opinion, real rough but he treated my Aunt like gold. When he was finished with his food, he went back to his work. My Aunt turned to me and said, "When you get you a man that's willing to do whatever he has to make you feel like everyday is Sunday, you do whatever you have to make him feel he will never see another Monday". Translation if he makes you feel like you can relax make him feel like being with you isn't work. Really isn't that what we all want? Someone who makes us feel like when we are with them that nothing else really matters. Someone that you can build with and if your blessed enough, grow old with and still find the same sparkle in their eyes that you did the first day you met. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic, maybe not. I know for some people it's possible. Nothing comes easy and if it does you might want to take a second look.
     So GOOD PEOPLE search and examine and explore the possibilities. There are Good Men out there sisters and they are waiting for their Good Woman to show up. Food for thought question of the week, What is your definition of a Good Man?  Now that I have given you the technical definitions let's see how closely the two relate. If you are unable to comment on this blog directly please do so on the link that will be attached to my Facebook Page.
     Until we meet again next week, same time, same channel please enjoy the picture of my Good friend JRD. Who I think is simply delicious. Lawd!!! His smile just lights up the room. I will also leave with the words of  one of my favorite songs by India Arie appropriately titled Good Man. As always, Have A Great Week! Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies!

I remember the first day
I met you
we were so young
you were a blessing
and there was no guessing
you were the one
Love is so crazy
We had a baby
and said our vows
That's when you told me
should anything happen
I can hear you now
You told me

If the sun comes up
and I'm not home
be strong
If I'm not beside you
Do your best to
carry on
Tell the kids about me
when they're old enough to understand
tell them that their daddy was
a good man....

He gave the term Mama's Boy a whole new meaning.

"Jodie, my Jodie"(Taraji P. Henson Voice). Whenever I think of a mama's boy the movie Baby Boy is the first thing that comes to mind. We as women have all at least once in our lives had a mama's boy. He lived in her basement, we let him drive our cars while we went to work. He sat home and played some type of video game all day or hung out with his other unemployed friends. We cooked great meals for him, washed his clothes and satisfied his sexual appetite. All to our detriment and his. Why we allowed such things to go on is beyond me. Now I know you are saying, "Hey Salome. I thought this was a blog about good black men?" It is. Just sit back and read in between the lines. I gave this entry the title that I did because I have a friend who gave me a totally different perspective on what I thought a mama's boy was. By no means does he live in his mama's basement. He is gainfully employed. He has his own home, pays his own bills and washes his own clothes. Now I'm not sure he can cook because I've never seen him do it nor have I tasted any of his creations but I know he can order some mean carryout. Anyway moving along. Let me pen you a tale of a delicious black man that changed my ideals of the traditional mama's boy.

Last year my friend's mother became very sick and had to be hospitalized. She was actually in the hospital for a little over a month. Now in my world when mama gets sick the daughters or sisters are usually the ones who take care of her and the sons or husbands (whatever male happens to be responsible in the family ) they just show up to ask questions and run errands. Not in this case. My friend lives three hours away and for the duration of his mother's illness he would get off from work on Friday come to Baltimore, go directly to his mother's bedside and stay with her until late on Sunday evening. Then he would take another long three hour ride back home. During his time here he would question the doctors, analyze her test results, give commands to other family members on what should and shouldn't be done in reference to her care. He is a born dictator (LOL) so I expected nothing less of him. What I didn't expect was to see him like I had never seen him before. I watched him as he agonized over whether he should cry about his mother's situation. Watched him as he recited out loud both Bible and Qu'ranic verse to comfort himself. I read his Facebook statuses that were actually prayers for his mother. Watched his face light up when he talked about the progress that she was making towards recovery. Even after his mother was released from the hospital his routine didn't change. On Friday he was here to wash her clothes, take her to her appointments, run her errands, take her to church and basically do whatever she needed him to do. Now that's the type of Mama's boy I would want my son to be. A very responsible, loving and respectful man. Watching my friend made me wonder if women should view a man's relationship with his mother before deciding to take a journey with him and if once viewing that relationship would it deter or encourage us to continue on with that person. I believe you can learn a lot about how a man will treat you by watching how he treats the first woman who ever loved him. Just my opinion.

Anyway my friend is delicious because he is a mama's boy not because he is dependent on her for survival but because he really loves his mama and demonstrated that in a way that I have never seen. Kudos to him and to his mom for raising such a great son. Until next week I leave you with a couple of food for thought questions to ponder and make comments on and also with the words from the song A Song For Mama which was sung by Boys II Men for the movie Soul Food and a picture of a very delicious man. As always have a great week. Church Hugs Gents, Diva Waves Ladies.

You taught me everything

Everything you've given me

I'll always keep it inside

You're the driving force in my life, yeah




There isn't anything

Or anyone that I could be

And it just wouldn't feel right

If I didn't have you by my side




You were there for me to love and care for me

When skies were gray

Whenever I was down

You were always there to comfort me




And no one else can be

What you have been to me you will always be

You will always be the girl

In my life for all times




Mama, Mama you know I love you

Mama, Mama you're the queen of my heart

Your love is like tears from the stars

Mama I just want you to know lovin' you is like food to my soul

Yes it is, yes it is, oh, yes it is, yes it is, yes it is oh.

Question: Is it important for women to view a man's relationship with his mother first before deciding to become his mate?

Do you believe that the way a man treats his mother is ultimately how he will treat all the women in his life?